Hephzibah Mercy- A birth story

On the 28th of April 2018, a week before Hephzibah’s due date, at around 3/4am in the morning, I remember getting up multiple times to go to the toilet in a little bit of discomfort. It hadn’t really crossed my mind that I was in labour as I had no idea what contractions should, or would feel like, and at the time I thought they were probably just braxton hicks. I had heard of women waking up their husbands at the very onset of labour and then regretting doing so not delivering their babies til days later, so I tried to forget about the discomfort and go back to sleep. It wasn’t long after though, around 5am that Joseph woke to me deep breathing leaned up against the corner of the bed. It was probably at this stage that I realised that I was in labour, my contractions were now around 10/15 minutes apart and while manageable they needed my attention to breathe effectively through them.

Joseph called up triage and as it was our first baby, they assured us we were doing the right thing and said we should stay at home to labour as much as possible there.

I remember there was this giddyness about us, like a surge of adrenaline and excitement, not being able to believe that this was really happening! We watched the greatest showman, Jospeh went out and got us fun snacks, we prayed, listened to music…all trying to be as normal as possible, whilst being in the midst of something that was wildly unknown! We were meant to be leaving for our good friends wedding the same morning. There were talks about making it for some of it- Joseph not me, as he was an usher, but my contractions seemed to be getting closer and closer together so we decided to call up and say we wouldn’t make it.

Everything was amazingly text book. My contractions were progressing well, and soon they were becoming more frequent and more intense. As they progressed because of the intensity I was throwing up every third contraction which seemed to be more violent than the other contractions, and my body was trembling.

Whilst I hadn’t done any official hypnobirthing classes, I had read a lot into the techniques and really resonated with them and wanted the practices to be part of my birth. I found them all very Biblical, empowering and affirming and adapted some to suit me better. I had loosely been practicing the breathing, and i’d paired that with multiple readings of ‘supernatural childbirth’ by Jackie Meze (linked below), and was truly believing for a supernatural birth. I wasn’t against taking medication but my prayer was that my birth would be fast and without any pain relief.

I found that with my strongest contractions if I kept my body relaxed things were okay, but it was as soon as I tensed up in reaction or fear of the contraction coming on that I found myself in discomfort, mainly discomfort in my back.

At one point I decided it was a good idea to have a bath and within about two minutes of getting in and contracting I decided that wasn’t going to work. See exhibit a < ahah.

Joseph’s parents arrived around midday as they had originally planned to give me a lift to the wedding yet turning up and seeing I was in the THROES of labour and I mean the THROES…my Mum in law walked in- ‘breathe ‘1…2…3..you’ve got this’ and off they went.

Soon after they left I realised that I needed to get to the hospital ASAP. My contractions were now every 2-3 minutes and I could NOT get off the toilet. I kept telling Joseph I needed to do a poo, completely unaware it was because Hephzibah was about to come out!

Joseph called our friend Yohann to come and collect us to take us to the hospital. This was one of the trickiest points for me in the labour as I genuinely remember thinking in my head that i’d left it too far and too late and told Joseph he’d have to call an ambulance. I did not see how it was in any way possible to get off the toilet or put on clothes, I just wanted to push her out! Up until this stage I was only comfortable fully naked because I was sweating like a beast and now I was about to go into Yohaan’s car who I had met all of one time since moving to Brighton…and I was probably gonna poo on his car interior, that, or deliver Hephzibah in there.

Joseph was patiently waiting bags ready, encouraging me on…and every time I’d get up to move off the toilet whilst there wasn’t a contraction i’d retreat back on the toilet saying that it was impossible to leave.

I remember crying out to God in desperation saying that He was going to have to physically get me in the car…and sure enough about five minutes later we were driving to Brighton hospital. HALLELUJAH.

Anyone knows that you don’t drive across central Brighton on a Saturday in a rush, and everyone knows that you don’t drive across central Brighton on a Saturday when you are in labour. But Yohaan did a great job of darting round some traffic and we made it to the hospital in about 20 minutes…20 minutes that felt like 3 hours!

I stumbled through a&e like I had been shot to find the nearest lift to get me to the delivery suite, I flung open the doors to what was a very quiet ward and shouted over to the lady on triage: ‘I NEED TO DO A POO’ and darted to the toilet, until they encouraged me that I needed to come out. These next few moments were not my finest but you just gotta do what you gotta do, I remember stripping down, and pacing around the room. This was hands down the hardest part of my labour. The room was so clinical, and everything was hard not comfy so I couldn’t find anywhere to go when I was contracting! I just wanted to get Hephzibah out. The nurse checked me over and said I was 8cm (HALLELUJAH), part of me was dreading hearing her say I was only 3cm and that I’d have to go home. I had been so adamant the whole time that I wanted to labour as much at home as possible as it was the most peaceful place for me.

Then the sweet sweet words I wanted to hear, ‘we’re just running the pool upstairs for your waterbirth let me take you up to your room’. They wheeled me up to the delivery pool and oh sweet hallelujah. It felt like I had ARRIVED.

Joseph and I had only been in Brighton about three weeks prior to this delivery day. We had moved from London and had no time for hospital inductions and only knew a handful of people in the area. The most incredible thing was that as I walked through the doors of the delivery suite I head a voice say ‘Hello Megan, I’m Rachel’ Her arms out ready to hug me. My friend had mentioned to me that her sister worked at Brighton hospital as a midwife, but little did I know that she would be assigned to me and the one delivering our baby! God is so kind?! As well as Rachel there were two other girls in there for the delivery because the ward was SO quiet, and they were PHENOMENAL. I soon got into the pool and oh my goodness it was the most incredible feeling EVER! I hadn’t had any pain relief apart from a paracetamol for a headache the night before…and this felt like paracetamol x 1000. My whole body just felt like it did a giant exahle! Joseph was coaching me through contractions in between me demanding him to put paper towels on my head, because whilst I was boiling hot I was also freezing, and couldn’t decide what was going on. I remember laughing and chatting between contractions with the girls and just feeling so peaceful and such a presence.

Part of the hypnobirthing thought and something that I wanted was to have as little interference as possible through my labour. I ideally didn’t want things prodded inside me or to be told every detail, I wanted to just go with my body. At the same time, in the moment I remember not having a clue what was going on and wanting someone to tell me something. ALL THE DETAILS. Within about 10 minutes of getting into the pool the girls checked me over and I was 10cm and I started to push.

PRAISE THE LORD. This is what I felt I had wanted to do for the past two hours but now finally could! Pushing was the oddest sensation, it really does feel like you are pushing a gigantic baby through a very small hole, yet somehow it feels a massive relief and so empowering! Jonny Cash did say it too, even if it was out of context.. it’s a literal BURNING RING OF FIRE.

As soon as I started pushing my waters broke which I was completely unaware of, probably because I was in the water. I had a few pushes in the pool, as well as a few little poops that popped out as i did. I remember feeling so embarrassed as out of the corner of my eye I could see one of the nurses fishing the little floaters out with a sieve! So funny! The midwives were amazing though and made me feel so at ease.

After a few pushes I suddenly remembered that pain relief was an option in a kind of ‘aha’ moment…and was like oh my days get me some gas and air, but a few puffs in and it not making a ton of difference only making me feel woozy, they suggested I carried on without it!

It wasn’t long after that, the girls alerted me that Hephzibah’s heart rate had dropped and so I needed to move next door to the bed to push. I remember being gutted because the pool was so incredible and I was so comfortable there. They helped me out to some pillows on the floor and I lay there naked and wondering what on earth was going on before they called me next door to keep pushing on the bed.

This was an altogether different experience to the pool, pushing felt more intense and less natural in comparison to the pool. There was an angel of a nurse giving me a hot compress to help prevent tearing. I had been so adamant not to tear, yet I could feel myself tearing in a bid to want to get Hephzibah out so quickly and hold her in my arms especially because her heart rate had dropped. In hindsight I would have loved to have taken this part slower and steadier to have helped prevent the tearing- I knew I was pushing beyond my means and not going with my body.

It wasn’t many pushes at all, maybe 6 or so before sweet Hephzibah was born and she was placed straight on me. I was just hit with relief, thankfulness and shock yet it was so blurry and I was in a haze. Shock because we had literally walked into the hospital and hour before, and suddenly I had a baby in my arms!!

The midwife then asked me if I wanted to pass the placenta naturally which is what I had written in my birth notes, something else I had specifically wanted after reading the book on hypnobirthing. She said she would allow me to pass it naturally but it was within minutes that I heard her tell Joseph to hit the emergency button because I was bleeding. At this point I had no idea what was going on and remember feeling sorry for the lady outside who was clearly in an emergency situation until I saw a team of about 10 people run in and I realised the lady was me! I had no idea what was going on but people started to fondle, bear weight and I remember screaming in pain as they compressed my stomach to manually remove my placenta that was retained. The cord had snapped off and I was bleeding heavily. I remember crying as some of the first sounds my baby heard come from my mouth were screams and I felt like such a sacred moment was so quickly tainted. I honestly would rather give birth 10 times over than have the pain that came from them manually removing the placenta. I can’t remember all the details but my placenta had been piecemeal in my stomach. So so so so thankful for wisdom and expertise of doctors and care of my heavenly Father that Hephzibah was delivered safely and I was well…apart from feeling like my stomach had been pummelled!

Did I tear? I asked a few moments later. ‘Yes’. Hmmm stitches. Stitches was not something I’d even thought about! Neither did I know how much they would hurt. I definitely got some gas and air for that ordeal, especially on the labia graze…wow. Best part of all this, I could see my reflection behind her stitching me up, legs on stirrups, and I could already tell things were looking pretty unrecognisable down there.

It was after the craziness had passed, and we had time to breathe they placed Hephzibah on the scales- 7’5 ounces of perfection. Soon after that she army crawled up my chest and began feeding. Rachel grabbed us some tea and toast…and I was so ready to demolish ALL the food. This part was so special it was as if time had stood still, the sun was setting and we were a family of three!?!!?

My parents arrived after bombing it down from Leeds (heroes) and so did Joseph’s parents a little while later!

That evening I had a shower and stayed the night because of what had happened with my placenta and them wanting to just monitor me a little closer. We decided it was best for Joseph to go home and sleep so at least one of us could be rested! I could not believe I was in charge of Heppy and I mainly stared at her all night and smelt her sweet heaven smell.

We stayed in til around 3pm the next day when we were discharged. Leaving the hospital while exciting was also hard for me! I had become really attached to the place in such a short space of time. Probably because it was the place I went through such a deeply emotional and life altering experience and maybe because I had no idea what on earth life was like outside the walls of the hospital with another human in our family.

Was labour as I had expected? Yes and no. There was no time for the countless sheets I had printed out for Joseph to take me to a special place in my mind, neither was there time for the cd's or the diffusing of oils in the birth centre. But that was okay, birth was so much more than I expected because it was far more empowering than I could have imagined. Crazy how you can feel so empowered in something you also feel 100% out of control in, that’s why I could not have done it without the presence of Holy Spirit, and the knowledge that God had designed my body to give birth! I’m excited at the thought of giving birth again, but for now I’m just revelling in raising Hephzibah Mercy.

Hephzibah is a Hebrew name found in Isaiah 62 in the bible. It means God’s delight is in her it was also the name of my Great Nana.

And Mercy, because I want to raise a girl who is fiercely compassionate, and because when I first met Joseph he released a prophecy that I would be the mother of Mercy. Deep I know.

Books I mentioned in the post:

Katherine Graves- The Hypnobirthing book
Jackie Mize- Supernatural Childbirth