Why Santa doesn't come to our house...

I grew up believing in Santa. I remember the magic of waiting and watching out my window to see his sleigh but, growing up I soon became highly anxious about a random man entering my room at night. There wasn’t even a chimney at my Grannie’s house where we went each year so did he just let himself in the front door? And, if santa could then surely a burglar could too? There was great relief at about 7 or 8 when I went in to my mum one evening and asked her to confirm he really wasn’t real.

There’s a few reasons we have chosen to not celebrate Santa in our home, and by celebrating I largely mean, telling our kids that it’s Santa who brings gifts. This is what WE have chosen to do as a family, it’s totally up to you to do what you decide!

1. a want for truth

This may be the most contested point of the Santa debate. Are you lying to your kids if you tell them Santa is real? To me personally, I would feel I was lying to my kids. We highly value truth in our home; finding out the truth, researching the truth and showing up to present the truth. We have spent their lives so far building core principles in our family from what we believe. To then choose to tell and want my kids to believe in a story that Santa turns up and gives them gifts, for me would oppose m core values. We require truth from them, so they should and I want them to expect it from us too.

2. nothing is lost

For us Christmas is made no less magical because we have chosen not to present Santa as real to our kids. For us, Christmas is made magical by the time we spend with family and the rituals we are creating as a family. Other people may find this tricky (family and extended family and even friends) as it is what they have known (grown up with/taught their kids) and so naturally want to carry on, but as with anything, as a family it’s up to YOU!

3. we don’t want to blur fantasy and reality.

Kids, when gaining a sense of the world are working to decipher what is fantasy and what is real. Do dogs really talk? Are monsters real? Are unicorns real? I’ve seen a talking pink pig…is that reality? I wouldn’t tell my kids these things aren’t real just for added fun or value. My kids have wonderfully vivid imaginations without fuelling them with an image of nine reindeer pulling a sleigh through the air, the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny, and I feel it would be me imposing it on them for them to believe, not something they have discovered for themselves. Things can be confusing enough as they figure out their world and we want to share with them what is true and tangible.

4. presents cost money

Our Christmas’s have often reflected our financial situation. I want my kids to know that good gifts come from God but I also want my kids to know that we as a family have had to work hard to make gifts a reality. For me, telling kids that santa brings presents gives a completely warped view of material possessions. I want my kids in on the conversations of Christmas, in the lead-up, we speak about what we hope for and we pray about those things. They see both Joseph and I working and we speak openly about money (with parameters and without burdening them) and I want them to be thankful, not entitled which I think can easily happen when we write lists of requests or have certain expectations.

5. jesus is our hero

As a family who follow Jesus, for us, Christmas is about Jesus being the hero and it’s the main story we read, know and love. Before presents are demolished and played with, food and other conversations we want our conversations to be there. Full of gratitude, peace and hope for a baby King who would promise us a brand new life!

6. I don’t want santa to do the disciplining

Santa, and whether or not he’l bring presents based upon how good you’ve been is laced through many conversations at this time of year. I’ve heard the threats in the toy aisles and seen the instagram reels of parents pretending to phone Santa to let them know how the kids are behaving and that presents are looking unlikely if they keep behaving the same way. Even if it’s said with a touch of fun trying to please a pretend character could be dangerous and i’m pretty sure because we are parents who love to give gifts to our kids, the threats are empty.

Not only do I want to be the one to discipline my kids, God is not a God of fear. He doesn’t trick us in to doing better or being better. We’re on His good list, yes we make mistakes but that doesn’t alter how he feels about us ever. I want my kids to care, be kind and want to be their best because of an interior gauge and awareness of who they are rather and who God has made them to be than pleasing an outside audience.

7. santa has no ties to my family

It is kind of odd to me that we give so much room to a white bearded rotund man coming on to the scene each Christmas. And to go a little further, we talk about safe people, and safe places. Yet we justify the entry of a man down our chimney…which we don’t even have! What does he represent? And do I/we like what he represents for my kids?

Let me know below what you have chosen to do as a family?  Here’s a little about how we’ve approached it so far:

How we’ve approached santa:

Last year, Heppy was 4 and it was the first time the conversation fully started and we started very simply. Instead of explicitly saying santa wasn’t real (because she hadn’t asked/didn’t have much of a grid for him) we just told her the presents were from Mummy and Daddy. Again it wasn’t a big sit down conversation just an open dialogue. We tell them both that good gifts come from God and we talk openly about needing to save for special things in our family and how money and working works! Alongside this we recognise the story of St Nick and and how that relates to Father Christmas and why he is a figure in our shops/songs etc. This year she has asked more questions, and so we have explicitly told her that Santa isn’t real although it hasn’t quite felt as jarring as that. I don’t believe it’s Heppy’s job to uphold a lie on behalf of others, so we haven’t gone massive on the part of her not telling others but we are also a home-educating family which means I think this is a slower process plus most of her friends would have a similar approach to us. We have touched on other people believing different things and families doing things in different ways and us respecting that, and I told her my experience of Santa and finding out and me wanting to be truthful with her. She has never come at it with any sense that she is missing out. The past few years I purposefully steered away from books and songs featuring Santa, but this year because she understands more, we’ve read/listened watched more things that would feature him and i’m ok with that! In our family we do a stocking and a main gift, we say what we’re hoping for rather than what we’re asking/wanting and I don’t place a high emphasis on the gifts (even though I LOVE buying them gifts).

Whatever you decide to do, and it will most likely be different to us HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

xx

Some of our favourite Christmas books: